


Dear Cynthia Murphy

by Whattheheckkylinn



Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23162569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whattheheckkylinn/pseuds/Whattheheckkylinn
Relationships: Evan x Connor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Dear Cynthia Murphy

Dear Cynthia Murphy,

I am so sorry I lied to you… I would never want to hurt you, and that’s why I did… I will tell Connor you love him, when I see him again…. 

Evan stared at his laptop. He was planning on printing it out and mailing it to the Murphy family along with the other package.

“Hey honey, are you in there?” Heidi(his mom) asked. The door cracked open and Evan slammed his laptop closed. He immediately started fidgeting with the edge of his blue and white striped shirt.

“Yeah, mom,” he answered, not looking up. 

“I brought some Chinese for dinner. I thought, maybe, we could eat together for a change?” Heidi said, coming into the room holding a very large brown paper bag and a nervous smile.

“Um, I… sure, yeah, great,” Evan stuttered, nodding his head.

“Great! I’ll go get the table set and call you when it’s ready, okay?” 

“Yeah, uh, perfect, thanks mom.” He spluttered.

“Great!” Heidi said, exiting the room with a very large, now hopeful, smile. Evan looked at his cast that Connor had signed.

“Great….” He said, sighing. “A last family dinner.”

***

Evan was walking to the forest outside of school. He stopped and looked at all the trees, trying to find the highest one. He easily found it, and luckily, it was an oak. He took his backpack off and tossed it while he was running to the tree. 

Evan looked up the tree and saw a perfect limb for sitting.

“Here I come,” Evan huffed as he started to climb up the tree. Limb by limb, foot by foot, he climbed. When he got to the perfect limb he looked down. 

“Whoa,” was all Evan could manage. He was so high up… if he fell he would break his other arm... or life. Evan laid back against the limb. It was very comfortable there, the birds were singing and the sun was shining on his face. He fidgeted with the cast Connor sighed, pulling at the insulative stuffing on the inside. Should he do it? He was battling himself.

“Evan,” Someone called above him. 

“Not now, Connor.” He said. Evan looked up and saw that sitting on a branch was Connor. 

“Why not? It’s just us now. Unless you want Jared instead.” Connor said, swinging his feet off the branch.

“I’m... thinking about something important.” Evan was now ripping the stuffing off his fingers and flicking it away.

“Ah, yes. Is it the suicide note? Or the suicide package?” He asked, starting to swing his feet back and forth like a child.

“Uhm... both? Besides, you shouldn’t know about that,” Evan said trailing off. 

“But I am your head, right? Therefore, if I don’t know, well, we have a much bigger problem.” Evan let a brief laughed to his cast. Connor smiled brightly and lowered himself next to Evan. He put his arm around Evan and griped his shoulder. Evan didn’t pull away, he got closer.

“I don’t know what to do, Connor. I want to see you, the real you! But...”

“You don’t want to leave your mom or my mom. I know how you feel. It took me a while to build up the guts to do it too. But I think, that if you make it swift like I did, it won’t be too bad. That means, no jumping off of trees or stabbing yourself!” Connor made a no no gesture with his index finger and pursed his lips. Evan laughed again.

“How do make it sound so easy?” Evan asked, looking Connor dead in the eye. This made him uncomfortable and he averted his eyes to his cast. 

Connor looked surprised for a moment, but he looked at Evan’s cast and said, “Because it is.”

Evan looked to where Connor was and saw that there was nothing there. He looked at the ground where his backpack was and said, “No jumping off of trees.”

***

Evan was in Jared’s room with Jared sitting on the bed.

“I don’t know what to do, Jared!” He said, pacing.

“Just do it man,” Jared awnsered, digging into a bag of chips. 

“I dunno if I should or shouldn’t!”

“You should.” He said taking a chip and eating it.

“Do you even know what I’m talking about?” He asked. He stopped pacing and faced Jared, but did not look at him.

“No. Not a clue.” Jared said, shrugging. “Is that honestly my fault though?” Evan looked up at Jared for a split second, but quickly averted his eyes back to his cast. Should he tell him?

Evan sighed and said, “I... uh... I’m... planning... to... make an indefinite leave of absence... from-“

“Life?”

Evan looked further down and very quietly said, “Yes.”

“Same,” he said very quietly. “I’ve got a gun and ammo waiting.” Jared was now fidgeting with his bed covers. Evan didn’t say anything. 

“We could, uh, do it together? It would be better than doing it alone,” Jared said.

“We... c-could,” Evan stuttered.

Jared looked up and said, “I only have one gun, but my uncle has one in his drawer. I could borrow it.” 

“That... could work.”

Jared was silent for a bit. “It could.”

***

Jared and Evan were standing in Evan’s room. Evan had gotten his cast off a day earlier and had put it in a cardboard box. He had mailed it and the letter to the Murphy family earlier that day and rushed home with Jared.

“Did, uh, did you get it?” Evan asked.

Jared pulled out two guns and a ziplock baggie with five bullets in it. 

“Perfect. We can, uh, do it, uhm, now... I guess?” Evan said. Jared looked nervously at the guns in his hand. 

“Yeah. It’s better to get it over with.” Evan lifted a shaky hand and grabbed a gun. It was heavy, for such a small object, and it was so cold in his warm, shaking hand. Evan stared at the gun and gulped. 

“I guess, uhm, I guess... this is, uh, goodbye?” Evan stuttered. Jared smiled to the ground. “What?” Evan asked.

“It’s just, I never thought of you as the suicide type.” Jared said. Evan didn’t say anything.

“Neither did I.” Jared looked up and handed Evan two bullets to load into that gun. Evan loaded it, turned the safety off, and cocked it. Jared did the same. They lifted the guns to each other’s heads and put their fingers on the triggers. Evan had tears welling in his eyes. How could he kill Jared? He was the bestest friend he ever had.

“See you on the other side.” Jared said, voice breaking slightly. Evan closed his eyes. Jared began the countdown.

“Five...” Evan was sweating.  
“Four...” the butterflies were fluttering in his stomach like never before.  
“Three...” He couldn’t do this!  
“Two...” Evan gripped the gun handle harder. He had to do this.  
“One!” There were two gunshots at a similar time. Both boys fell to the ground as blood gushed from the holes in their heads, creating a pool of blood and sorrow around them. Final tears ran from Evan and Jared’s blank eyes.


End file.
